Venting
We take baby steps forward and giant steps back. I should remember this from all the times that I have dealt with these episodes of my daughter. So, today, we met my daughter so that we could pick up my granddaughter. The boys were going to try out some fishing stuff and she was bored. Everything went okay until we got home. I am not friends with my daughter on Facebook because she is crazy and I have students who are friends with me and I cannot have her do her passive aggressive crap or her to get angry at me and post ****so I got a text from a student who asked me to check out her Facebook page so I did and there was this picture that popped up on my Facebook of my daughter, the sperm donor who has had nothing to do with my children ever, and my grandkids. The picture was apparently liked by a relative of ours and it popped up...Let me just say that last night, my daughter had me take a picture of her and the kids...at every event that we attend, she will have me take a picture of her and the kids and never invite me in the picture...she has pictures of her and her friend and the kids...her friend that is my age so it looks like she is the kids grandmother...she has pictures of the spermdonors sister and her and the kids....now pictures of the spermdonor, her, and the kids....but nowhere in her house, on the walls, on her Facebook and to my knowledge has she ever wanted to pose with me...it really hurt my feelings. This man is a stranger to her.
When I saw the picture, I asked my granddaughter when the picture was made and she said thanksgiving...by the way, thanksgiving was when my daughter said she guessed that I could come eat with her and her friend Karen's family...turns out, it was her dad and his family...and so my granddaughter asked me was I sad and I said, no, not at all...but she is very emotionally mature and she could tell so when her mom called to ask about downloading music on the iPod, my granddaughter said that Nana saw that picture...my daughter wanted to talk to me and I had my husband talk to her because frankly I didn't want to hear her ****she sent me a horrible text that she had forgiven her father and she was going to have a relationship with him and if I didn't like it, she didn't give a damn. I refused to engage her and she called DH and told him that my hate for her father was not going to interfere with her relationship and finally my husband told her that it wasn't the relationship with him but the lack of relationship with me...and he told her that she never sends me cards or calls on any of the holidays or my birthday and that she has no pictures of us together...and he just told her that the way she treated me was like someone who didn't want a relationship...she started screaming saying she was going to come and get my granddaughter and that I was never going to see the kids....typical holiday. Of course, she didn't come get my granddaughter and she has sent me about fifty text of how immature I am and how I just want people to feel sorry for me and she is sick of me interfering in her relationships...I finally responded and said, you are boring...it's the same old story...you hate me, I've done you wrong, you are finished. I also told her to stop texting me that I am tired of her **** I added, why wouldn't you choose your dad over me...he has done so much for you...he has been around...given you money...taken care of you and the kids...and I am so not dependable....so I can totally understand your reasoning. I say that sarcastically because he has never been around. Anyway, just when I think there is an end to her madness...the crazy demon pops back out. I am so over this ****
Jeane I feel for you. My cousin treats me the same way!
I wont talk to her at all. It's the bipolar in your daughter. She needs help!
My cousin was buying our truck a few years ago. At first I let her borrow it. Then she was using it long term. We had rules. She couldn't take it out of state without asking, she had to pay insurance, two simolee rules. She couldn't abide by them. I hardly ever got the insurance payment. And she took it out of state on selling trips. Didn't tell me. Then I got pissed and told her if she wanted to keep the truck she had to pay me!!!
She ranted and ranted that I sent her an email that she could keep the truck! I said if I sent you an email produce it!!!
she was behind payments! Ect. No insurance I cancelled the policy she got stopped for speeding and no insurance.
Ibtold her that I needed payment for the truck and you had to pay bottom line!!!
I learned a lot about bipolar people. They r liers, try to live off everyone!
She accused me of telling her father that she needed time away when I paid 400.00 in airplane tickets for her to help me drive back from Colorado. She cohorsed me into paying for the babies 2 and 4 then. Very manipulative.
Here lately she has been driving very slow passing my house and eyeing my SUV. Then about four weeks ago she stopped and asked um where did u get your Expedition? I need to borrow it to take so and so to therapy. You know what I told her? No and he'll no!!!
I told her I'm not catoring to her bipolar acting and being taken advantage of.
I also told her when u use people up they don't want anything to do with you.
Im sure it went over her head.
Its sad that she is now using her Aunt to get things she wants. But I know why, her aunt has money and she uses people with money to her advantage!
I learned my lesson! Let it go. I know it's your daughter but sometime u have to do it just to have peace.
C
Carla,
I know what you mean. My daughter is always looking for angle. My husband says if she spent half as much time working as she does trying to get over on some body. My daughter never ever takes what I say as the bottom line; instead, she looks for some crazy subtext. I get so tired of watching every single thing I say to her that sometimes when I am around her, I just smile and say yes or no...I don't offer any to the conversation because you know, that can create an entirely new drama.
My daughter has hated me for so long that I have forgotten who she was before all thi**** There use to be this amazing girl who loved me as much as I loved her and she and I were so close and she listened to me and I to her. When she hit 13 or 14, things began to change and I thought it was just teenage angst but then it developed into something that was so destructive to her and me that I took her to the doctor and from there we began seeing a psychologists and he said she had severe BPD. Years of therapy has done nothing for her...she takes her medicine about as regular as she cleans her house.
Anyway, I am realizing that I have a choice to put up with her **** and keep walking on egg shells around her or walk away. I know she talks a lot about me not seeing my grandkids but I know that the kids are old enough to never let that happen, and she loves the weekends and holidays that I have the kids so she will never stop me from seeing them.
Last night, I decided to just continue as I have been doing: letting DH talk to her to plan the weekend visits of the kids and when I go get the kids, I will not talk to her nor get out of the car. I am done. She will not take her medicine and even when she is on the medicine, she still hates me...she just isn't all crazy stupid.
My new year's resolution is me...I am going to take care of Jeannie for once in my life I am putting me first and my feelings first.
See, that sounds pretty easy.
Hi Jeannie...I am so so sorry you are being treated this way. It breaks my heart knowing how you must be feeling.
I am at a loss of what to say to you. I have not dealt with any bipolar person that was anywhere near this kind of behavior.
This daughter of yours needs treatment and for a very long time. How can anyone think she is able to raise those children? She is not a fit mother. She is causing wounds that are so deep these children will never forget it. Their whole lives have been like this. No wonder they want to be with you all the time. This is mental and emotional abuse. She should not have any kind of permanent custody of these children until she gets help. She should no longer be endangering those children. She has gone way too far now!!
I agree she is doing all this to get at you. I am sorry but she really has no respect at all for you.
Don't other people see how her behavior is?? How can she hold a job? I can't believe no one has reported her for child endangerment or abuse.
I am so confused....I guess I just don't understand. I don't mean to say anything to upset you. You know how much I love you!
There has to be somewhere you can go to get help for her or find out your rights and those children's rights.
TOUGH LOVE is hard to do but it does work.
Again...I am so sorry!
More love and hugs......connie d
Connie,
I know other people with BPD and they seem to be different than my daughter. We all know that BPD is very complex in the way that it effects people. My friend, who has it, is very nice to me and sometimes she can be a little manipulative and she gets a little angry sometimes and stops talking to me and our other friends but she always distances herself until her crisis is over and then it's back to normal. Now her daughters have a different experience with her and the last time she was in the hospital, her daughter told us some of the things that she had done to them and I just didn't ever see that side of my friend. My daughter's friends think she is the sweetest person in the world but she has a few friends who have seen the way she treats me and they have said things to her and she immediately ends the friendship.
I think every person is different and every relationship is different so people with BPD can react differently to some folks. And, depending upon the severity of the disorder, those with it can be just as normal as the next person...provided they take the medicine and go to therapy.
You are right about the kids, they are in a very tough situation but for the most part, she takes her hate out on me...only me. The kids know how to avoid conflicts with her and they call me if they see her behavior change too quickly and we go pick them up. She is exhausting...
Phyllis Gilbert did that to me. We were good buds and she just ended the friendship like I died. She admitted she was bipolar. But had it under control. But maybe not.
It hurts. No rhyme or reason.
Im not bipolar but I have respect for it.
But if you don't take care of your bipolar I dint respect you. I don't like being taken advantage of.
C
